Imposter Syndrome

[HAH]

I found this episode from CogDog podcasts interesting and thought others might too.

If you’re not familiar with Imposter Syndrome it’s the feeling that you’re going to be found out as a fake (however much experience/expertise you may have). I know this feeling very well. I think in many ways it applies to adulthood generally (!!) - but this podcast by Hannah Branigan & Sarah Stremming talk about Imposter Syndrome particularly in the context of dog ownership and training.

They talk about the shame of silence - it may be a big or small issue, but the more you’re alone with it, the worse it feels. But as they put it, if you bring this monster out of the cupboard it’s often a hamster casting large shadow. They gave examples from dog training, and made the point that sharing real stuff is helpful because life isn’t perfect, and actually if we’re more honest about things going wrong as well as right then there are opportunities to learn (or at least commiserate and move on!). I thought this particularly matched my experience of the kind reassurance of MLF as a ‘safe place’ to share challenges as well as success

Cog-Dog Radio by Sarah Stremming, The Cognitive Canine on Apple Podcasts

 

[Lab_adore]

I like this. I suffer terrible shame that Maxx is still so bad outside the house and I can't see it improving as I feel we've tried everything. However this forum helps so much

 

[HAH]

I can't see it improving

Hey, he’s improving so much! Just read back through old posts - it makes me realize how far we’ve come. One of the things I really admire about you and Maxx is how much fun you have; you clearly know him well, and adore him. He sounds such a joyful boy

 

[snowbunny]

suffer terrible shame that Maxx is still so bad outside the house and I can't see it improving as I feel we've tried everything.

Remember the forum mantra: This, too, shall pass.

Honestly, I remember joining TLF and thinking people with two-year-old Labs were SO experienced and had all their shit together. PAH! Ridiculous! Now I think people with six-year old Labs might have their shit together. I mean, they must do, right?
Every dog has its challenges. EVERY. DOG. Because, you know, even the most perfect relationship is difficult at times, right? And we don't even speak the same language! Imagine giving your heart to another human that you couldn't converse with at all. Would you do that? I mean, you might have a bit of rumpy, but after that, it would get pretty dull pretty quickly. I reckon. We can fall head over heels in love, but that's a chemical thing. The hard graft is hard. Learning to speak to one another. To have that intimate understanding of how each other works... it takes time. Even when you speak the same language.

Cut yourself some slack, try to believe that pretty much everyone here has felt the same way as you at one point or another. My dogs barked and lunged at children. One of them even bit a child. Can you imagine the horror?! Just... Christ. I'm not trying to get into a "my shame is bigger than your shame" contest, because there are no winners there, but we understand. We know what it's like to have a ridiculous pin-head in a big, strong body. This is your safe place, where you don't have to pretend to be in control, you'll never be judged for what your dick dog did today.

Maxx is a big lad but he's still such a baby. Labs are slow to mature, and some more than others. Try not to despair, you'll get there, and you'll learn so much along the way. Easy dogs don't teach us anything. The challenging ones are life-changing.

 

[snowbunny]

I've not listened to this episode of the podcast yet. I saw it this evening as I was catching up on some stuff and thought "ooooh", but I shall save it for when I can concentrate on it. I like a lot of what Sarah Stremming has to say about behaviour work, and Hannah Brannigan has some good insights into the training of the human side, so I'm looking forward to it

 

[HAH]

Easy dogs don't teach us anything. The challenging ones are life-changing.

PREACH!!!
*Also true with many people*

 

[Lab_adore]

Thankyou @snowbunny and @HAH you almost made me cry (in a good way). OH had SUCH a terrible day with him yesterday (read my post just now in the Kennel Club) and it just got me down as we thought we were heading in a better direction. And 2 minutes ago he rang to say Maxx was an angel this morning, walking nicely and he even forgot the whistle and was just calling his name at the rugby field off leash and he ran back every time. So what you said is just so true and I have to remember it

Everyone on this forum, without exception, are so supportive and wonderful and I am so thankful to have found you all

 

[Emily_Babbelhund]

I feel like a fake at most things. At nearly 50, I keep wondering when I'm going to finally grow up like everyone else. Social media, even the kind and supportive sort that we have here, can leave a funny impression that's not quite reality. It's one reason I do mention the bad days now and then on Carbon's thread. I especially dislike FB for the reason that everyone seems so happy and successful when most days I really have to give myself a pep talk to crawl out from under my rock. It's intimidating.

To specifically address the dog training, 'fake it till you make it' has been my go-to. I remember sitting in the airport with Brogan after passing his service dog exam and thinking, "Geez, I know nothing - don't I look like I know nothing??!" While I grew in confidence over the years with Brogan - getting a 'dangerous breed' dog through airport security over and over again will definitely teach you a supreme poker face - my default mode is that "Does everyone see that I know nothing" feeling. I'm good at faking it when I have to, but generally I'm shaking on the inside!

 

[Leanne]

@Lab_adore i left Mas in the head teachers office today for 30 minutes as I had a meeting and he was knackered. I knew if I took him
He would bound around... so armed with a chew I left him.

10 minutes later I had second thoughts and went back to get him.

In 10 minutes he had opened every single drawer, chewed up about 12 erasers, thrown around a bunch of paperwork and eaten the ofsted folder.

He is absolutley totally incapable of being left alone for more than 15 seconds without destroying something.

 

[Emily_Babbelhund]

In 10 minutes he had opened every single drawer, chewed up about 12 erasers, thrown around a bunch of paperwork and eaten the ofsted folder.

Yowsa, that takes some skill and fast moves!

 

[Lab_adore]

I'm so sorry @Leanne. I think mad Mas and mad Maxx are channelling each other.

I am having a freak out as we have a big family get together Saturday week, including my 4 month old great niece, and I don't know what to do about the fact that Maxx will jump on everyone and render any attempt to have food or nibbles consumed without chaos. If we baby-gate him with visitors around he will bark and whine at the top of his voice

 

[Emily]

I especially dislike FB for the reason that everyone seems so happy and successful when most days I really have to give myself a pep talk to crawl out from under my rock. It's intimidating

Most people in FB are pretending to be happy/successful. In reality, they are living behind the "social media image" that they have created.

 

[Leanne]

So you have a week and 2 days?

Do the relaxation protocol religiously 3 times a day with Maxx on the lead? Get him used to have super yummy treats if he lays by your side.

It’s proper tricky but that’s how I manage Mas at school, he knows if he lays down when there is a child present he gets something amazing (usually a bit of sausage lol) I also keep him hungry during the day so he gets a quarter of his allowance for breakfast, the rest of it over the morning which he has to earn and then he gets a nice dinner when he gets home.

 

[Selina27]

I've never heard of Imposter Syndrome, I don't think I suffer from it, other things but not that ! I'm looking forward to listening later to the podcast.

I just want to say too how wonderful having the Forum(s) has been and still is, the sharing in a safe place of all the difficulties. @Lab_adore , I think it was before you joined I had such a hard time with Cassie at around 12-14 months in a sort of hormone fueled mania, when she would kangaroo jump and bite my arms when frustrated or curtailed on a walk. It was so so hard to deal with, my arms were black and blue, putting it on the forum wasn'r easy as I felt I was letting her down, and making her out to be a devil dog when I knew she wasn't, and that it would pass. Which it has, it's like childbirth, I know it happened but I can't remember it ! But I did put on the Forum, and got a great deal of help and advice that I was and am grateful for.

 

[Joy]

eaten the ofsted folder.

It wasn't all bad then.

 

[Lab_adore]

So you have a week and 2 days?

Do the relaxation protocol religiously 3 times a day with Maxx on the lead? Get him used to have super yummy treats if he lays by your side.

It’s proper tricky but that’s how I manage Mas at school, he knows if he lays down when there is a child present he gets something amazing (usually a bit of sausage lol) I also keep him hungry during the day so he gets a quarter of his allowance for breakfast, the rest of it over the morning which he has to earn and then he gets a nice dinner when he gets home.

This is the relaxation protocol link right?
https://www.boulderhumane.org/sites/default/files/ProtocolforRelaxation.pdf

And all the exercises are 'down'. I haven't taught that to Maxx, so do I have to teach that first?

 

[Charlie]

I've had more than a "few" challenges with Charlie, he's now 7 years old but we press on, everyday is a training day. I think sometimes I do feel shame when he misbehaves because he's not a puppy, I feel people are judging but we don't give up. Charlie will always be Charlie, a complete whally at times but my whally! xx

When I read the threads about everyones dogs I see how far they have all come, all the good things that have been trained to help our dogs. You can't appreciate the good without experiencing the bad and you can't learn without the bad either! You're doing great everyone. xx

 

[Lab_adore]

It's good to know that it's not just us and that Maxx is 'normal'. He has been a little angel the last two days after being an absolute monster three days ago

I just had another go at teaching 'down' (i'm WFH today and hubby is out so no distractions) and blow me over with a feather but we got there! I watched a you-tube and realised I was doing it wrong before. I'll get this going several times a day and try the relaxation protocol...thanks @Leanne

 

[Granca]

eaten the ofsted folder.

Wow! That took some training! Well done, Mas! (A new slant on “The dog ate my homework.”?

 

[Selina27]

You can't appreciate the good without experiencing the bad and you can't learn without the bad either!

How right you are!
I find that instead of getting despondent when things go wrong now I think ok how are we going to approach this tomorrow to be better?

I think I am quite lucky with Cassie in that she has a "baby" face really, when people say "oh, she's only young isn't she?" I say "oh yes, not very old at all" !!!!!!