Candy
Biscuit Tin Guardian
- Location
- West Yorkshire, UK
You will have seen mention of 'Tess's Dad' (hereafter referred to as TD for the sake of brevity) in other posts of mine. What I haven't mentioned previously is that many years ago he and I were in a relationship, infact it was he who introduced me to the joy of Labradors (so I suppose I have something to thank him for). What I also haven't mentioned is that I left him for Trevor. He refused to speak to me for the next 18 years, then we met up dog walking, got chatting as Tess and Joy played and eventually he said that it was all along time ago and that he realised he had to let go of the past so could we be friends. I agreed and was quite pleased and told Trevor who also agreed that it was much better/healthier than how things had been before. TD's partner had recently had to go into permanent care as she had Alzheimer's Disease and he found it difficult visiting her on his own, so I offered to go with him when her family weren't available, just for a bit of support (as a nurse the majority of my work was with people living with Dementia so it's something I'm fairly at home with, so to speak). Since Trevor died we have had a few nice walks together with the dogs and been to a couple of concerts. I have always had slightly ambivalent feelings about this. It's felt strangely familiar but also a bit odd. I was starting to notice that all the things that used to irritate me about him still did, and it was always a bit of a relief to get home again.
On Monday of this week there were loads of dogs who are Joy's friends on the field at Copley. All the dogs were having a great run around in the sunshine and all the hoomans were having a good chat. TD arrived with Tess and he and I were chatting. Then Hettie, Joy's other best friend turned up with Adam and Sarah, her hoomans. I hadn't seen them since I had been to Istanbul, so they were asking me about it. Then out of the blue TD walked off, taking Tess with him. Adam and Sarah were quite surprised and were wondering what had happened. I told them that TD had a cold (which was true) and said he probably just wasn't feeling well. It was all starting to feel horribly familiar though and I found myself thinking 'Why am I still making excuses for him?' Anyway, I bumped into him again whilst out with Joy today and he accused me of being rude! He said we'd been in the middle of a conversation and I had dropped it all to talk to Adam and Sarah. I found myself nearly apologising!!! Managed to stop myself and just said that I didn't see it like that at all. We chatted a bit more then I made my excuses and headed for home. I found I was absolutely furious. I am normally quite a calm person but this took me right back to how I used to feel when we were together. He was jealous, possessive and sulky to the point that it was embarrassing and other people would comment and I would find myself making excuses for him and trying to help the situation and trying to understand that he hadn't had a happy childhood, blah blah blah. That was why I had to leave. I felt guilty about how much I'd hurt him for the first five years of my relationship with Trevor. Anyway today I strode home with poor little Joy trotting along in my wake and ranted to myself like someone possessed. HOW DARE HE?! How dare he be like this again? Has he no inkling that this is what made me leave in the first place? How self obsessed, selfish and small minded is it possible to be? So I ranted and ranted for a good couple of hours.
Anyway. Calm after the storm. The realisation that leaving him wasn't unkind or selfish of me. It was pure self preservation and one of the most sensible decisions I have ever made in my life. Trevor hadn't a jealous bone in his body. He wouldn't have known how to sulk. He was warm, funny, brave, passionate about fairness and equality and incredibly kind. He loved with complete openness and generosity. Thank God I got to spend the last eighteen years with him instead of that stupid **************! Never ever again will I feel the slightest guilt about TD, who in a funny way has just done me a big favour. I think Joy and I are going to go and find some new friends.
On Monday of this week there were loads of dogs who are Joy's friends on the field at Copley. All the dogs were having a great run around in the sunshine and all the hoomans were having a good chat. TD arrived with Tess and he and I were chatting. Then Hettie, Joy's other best friend turned up with Adam and Sarah, her hoomans. I hadn't seen them since I had been to Istanbul, so they were asking me about it. Then out of the blue TD walked off, taking Tess with him. Adam and Sarah were quite surprised and were wondering what had happened. I told them that TD had a cold (which was true) and said he probably just wasn't feeling well. It was all starting to feel horribly familiar though and I found myself thinking 'Why am I still making excuses for him?' Anyway, I bumped into him again whilst out with Joy today and he accused me of being rude! He said we'd been in the middle of a conversation and I had dropped it all to talk to Adam and Sarah. I found myself nearly apologising!!! Managed to stop myself and just said that I didn't see it like that at all. We chatted a bit more then I made my excuses and headed for home. I found I was absolutely furious. I am normally quite a calm person but this took me right back to how I used to feel when we were together. He was jealous, possessive and sulky to the point that it was embarrassing and other people would comment and I would find myself making excuses for him and trying to help the situation and trying to understand that he hadn't had a happy childhood, blah blah blah. That was why I had to leave. I felt guilty about how much I'd hurt him for the first five years of my relationship with Trevor. Anyway today I strode home with poor little Joy trotting along in my wake and ranted to myself like someone possessed. HOW DARE HE?! How dare he be like this again? Has he no inkling that this is what made me leave in the first place? How self obsessed, selfish and small minded is it possible to be? So I ranted and ranted for a good couple of hours.
Anyway. Calm after the storm. The realisation that leaving him wasn't unkind or selfish of me. It was pure self preservation and one of the most sensible decisions I have ever made in my life. Trevor hadn't a jealous bone in his body. He wouldn't have known how to sulk. He was warm, funny, brave, passionate about fairness and equality and incredibly kind. He loved with complete openness and generosity. Thank God I got to spend the last eighteen years with him instead of that stupid **************! Never ever again will I feel the slightest guilt about TD, who in a funny way has just done me a big favour. I think Joy and I are going to go and find some new friends.
