Emily_Babbelhund
Mama Red HOT Pepper
- Location
- Regensburg, Germany
I got news from the owner of my apartment in Regensburg that I can stay through September until 4 October. This means I don't have to move a couple times in September.
Maybe that's a relief? Honestly I'm very ambivalent. The lack of air and feeling that I'm trapped in here all day while the crowds (and heat) circle outside is pretty overwhelming. On the other hand, it makes my life my easier not to have to move. I'm picking up my "non car" belongings from a friend's cellar tomorrow and my goal is to get rid of 90% of the stuff, including going through Brogan's special memory box for the first time since he died. Even if it's been four years and high time, that's going to be tough and take a while.
So here's the goals for September:
(1) get to the bottom of Carbon's issues and if medically possible go through a 28 day treatment for his Leishmaniosis (milteforan or glutamine)
(2) go through all my less-used belongings and either send back to California for storage, sell on eBay or donate to charity
(3) get my stupid bl*&^dy German taxes done and my temporary resident's permit renewed
(4) get off of my psych medication and to the point where I can walk for an hour a day without feeling like I'm going to fall over dead
I'm going with the theory that if you write your goals down, it makes them more real and achievable. Yes, that very 'woo-woo' California beach hippy of me, but as Popeye says, "I yam what I yam what I yam!"
Right now I have to say that #4 is absolutely kicking me in the backside. After some research, it seems it takes most people MONTHS to get off the stuff I've been on for the last two years. The withdrawals are hitting very hard at the moment, especially lethargy, insomnia, anger and the brain zaps. Poor Carbon, I am not nice to live with and it doesn't help that we both feel trapped in our underground bunker.
On the other hand, I'm quite proud of the fact that I've now made it two weeks on 50% of my previous dosage. I feel horrible, but I've also been more motivated to walk than I have in years. This was also a pattern when I got off of morphine and a whole slew of anti-anxiety meds years ago. That took me nearly six months, but I did it and came out better. I will hold on to that as motivation. Rah, rah, rah, I can do it!
A disclaimer: the psych meds are actually incredibly helpful to my mood, anxiety and ability to sleep. If I hadn't have started them 2,5 years ago when I did during a particular rough patch, I'm not sure if I would still be here. They definitely have their place. However my physical health has tanked and it's time to look at that, both for my ability to be mobile, but also due to the increased risk of a bad outcome if I get COVID while being so unhealthy and obese. It's a balancing act, and I'm just trying to do the right thing in the moment. We'll see how it goes.
Carbon, however, may soon start sending SOS signals to @Natalie or @Beanwood to come rescue him...
Maybe that's a relief? Honestly I'm very ambivalent. The lack of air and feeling that I'm trapped in here all day while the crowds (and heat) circle outside is pretty overwhelming. On the other hand, it makes my life my easier not to have to move. I'm picking up my "non car" belongings from a friend's cellar tomorrow and my goal is to get rid of 90% of the stuff, including going through Brogan's special memory box for the first time since he died. Even if it's been four years and high time, that's going to be tough and take a while.
So here's the goals for September:
(1) get to the bottom of Carbon's issues and if medically possible go through a 28 day treatment for his Leishmaniosis (milteforan or glutamine)
(2) go through all my less-used belongings and either send back to California for storage, sell on eBay or donate to charity
(3) get my stupid bl*&^dy German taxes done and my temporary resident's permit renewed
(4) get off of my psych medication and to the point where I can walk for an hour a day without feeling like I'm going to fall over dead
I'm going with the theory that if you write your goals down, it makes them more real and achievable. Yes, that very 'woo-woo' California beach hippy of me, but as Popeye says, "I yam what I yam what I yam!"
Right now I have to say that #4 is absolutely kicking me in the backside. After some research, it seems it takes most people MONTHS to get off the stuff I've been on for the last two years. The withdrawals are hitting very hard at the moment, especially lethargy, insomnia, anger and the brain zaps. Poor Carbon, I am not nice to live with and it doesn't help that we both feel trapped in our underground bunker.
On the other hand, I'm quite proud of the fact that I've now made it two weeks on 50% of my previous dosage. I feel horrible, but I've also been more motivated to walk than I have in years. This was also a pattern when I got off of morphine and a whole slew of anti-anxiety meds years ago. That took me nearly six months, but I did it and came out better. I will hold on to that as motivation. Rah, rah, rah, I can do it!
A disclaimer: the psych meds are actually incredibly helpful to my mood, anxiety and ability to sleep. If I hadn't have started them 2,5 years ago when I did during a particular rough patch, I'm not sure if I would still be here. They definitely have their place. However my physical health has tanked and it's time to look at that, both for my ability to be mobile, but also due to the increased risk of a bad outcome if I get COVID while being so unhealthy and obese. It's a balancing act, and I'm just trying to do the right thing in the moment. We'll see how it goes.
Carbon, however, may soon start sending SOS signals to @Natalie or @Beanwood to come rescue him...
Emily
- but I think you'd be surprised the amount of non-traditional-medicine things I've tried. I come from Northern California, after all! The only thing that I did find truly helpful was accupuncture for insomnia. A friend with very severe insomnia due to her cocktail of organ transplant drugs tried it and it worked, so I tried too. I was a huge sceptic but it did work. Unfortunately no feasible options for that here in Germany or I'd happily try it again. Oh and biofeedback focused on breath control - that also was quite good. I learned a lot there that I still use.
