A bit worried about attachment to OH

[Lab_adore]

Since we have returned I've noticed Maxx is watching Steve very carefully. Every time he leaves the room he either stares intently at whichever doorway he went through or gets up and follows him.

Last night when I arrived home from work, Steve went straight up to the shops. Maxx sat at the front door, at first peering through the glass panel and then lying down chin-flat, an inch away from the door. I tried to call him into our bedroom (just around the corner) where I was putting washing away but he wouldn't budge. Normally he loves 'helping' with the washing as it is an opportunity to nick socks and undies and take off.

This morning we were both downstairs and he was upstairs and couldn't get past the baby gate. Within about 1 minute he started barking and whining and stopped when Steve started back up the stairs

I think he is anxious that we will leave again. He is used to me going to work so that isn't an issue.

Any thoughts on how to manage this please?

 

[VanillaBean]

This may help (but might also be the wrong thing), both dogs are very attached to me, so OH says, but even I agree (did not at first).

When I have been away, Vanilla used to be terrible and would always watch every move I made. We used to go to the shop in the car and Vanilla would cry/whine whilst I went inside even though OH was in car. After a few trips she realised I would be coming back, so stopped whining and just stare at the entrance/direction I walked.
If at home she would either be top of the stairs watching the door or be on the door matt/in hall watching the door. This gradually stopped, OH used to try to get her back in the beginning but gave up after a while. She got upset because the same behaviour did not occur when she had been away, I could never understand what she was on about at first.
OH just ignores it, now both are settled if I have been away and come back. They still look, but don't move as much. OK Honey will follow me but she does that now even when I am at home. Vanilla only follows when she wants something or something good is about to happen (she thinks).

Got to remember you have been away for a long time, he will be worried you may be leaving again. Especially as I think from memory Steve is at home? That will be a careful watch, he will realise that after a while Steve will come back and will settle down. The other thing is take him with you for the first few times, even if it is only for 5min in the car.

On a cautious note though, I would watch just to make sure he does not start to whine/cry or completely change his behavior.

Hope it puts your mind at rest for a bit, but sure someone else may have something different to say.

 

[Atemas]

I agree totally with @VanillaBean. Just give Maxx time - it’s understandable behaviour.

Actually it also reminded me that Sky when she was young used to be fairly obsessed with F. If he went out for the day, she spent most of her time sitting on the stairs looking through the little window that looks out over the front drive and garden. She was literally waiting for him. she always knew when he was returning before he did return and then she’s go a bit loopy around him. I was very much less important to her. F did all the big walks with her and for a few years it was just her and him during the day (he works from home) as I was out at work. When we went away, she would be a bit aloof to both of us for a few days until the routines were re established

 

[Lab_adore]

Thanks Sven and Alison, very good advice.

Yes, Steve is at home and we have made the mistake of hardly ever leaving Maxx on his own. We really don't go out much and when we do we often take him

This year we are reinstating birthday celebrations with our group of friends. We stopped this when one of my closest friends was going through hideous cancer treatment and none of us felt like celebrating. She is fully recovered now, thank God. So we will need to leave him for a few hours here and there. We've done it 2 times only and he was fine with a bone, a Kong, a dentastick and toys. But now I fear he might fret

And to add to the problem we are booked for a weekend away in the Hunter valley for a concert in 3.5 weeks. Back to the kennel for Maxx. I wish we had friends or family who we could leave him with

 

[Atemas]

Just read your last post. We hardly left Red when she was a puppy. I used to get really anxious about leaving her. Now we go out more without her and she’s fine. I just give her a kong and she stays in her room (the utility) which has lots of space. Also I don’t hesitate booking her into the kennels for daycare or an over nighter. I feel happier with her being here than asking family or friends - I know she is safe and having fun with her buddies. Don’t worry - they quickly adapt

 

[Jacqui-S]

we are booked for a weekend away in the Hunter valley for a concert in 3.5 weeks. Back to the kennel for Maxx.

That's probably good in the longer term. Maxx has a couple nights away then you are back.
Reinforces you are coming back for him. Just like the short trips out.

 

[HAH]

This must be a bit upsetting @Lab_adore , but I like the advice from others. It’s very early days so give it time; with the barking for Steve, would a small scatter help at these key points (even simply leaving the room) just to break focus and reintroduce positive relaxing vibes?
I completely feel you in leaving him alone, we’ve done very similar with Kipper in that he’s either with us or we’re at home. We’ve realised we really need to work on this, in honesty one of our barriers is neutralizing the Kipper zone Theres still too much detritus around (napkins, leaflets, tea towels) within reach for a bored young hound to snarfle. So we’re tidying up, then we’re going to start going out for short periods, just a trip to the shop or a drink in the pub; slowly building it up, and maybe leaving the GoPro on to see how he takes to it. We could start a support thread between us if you liked?

 

[M.F.]

I remember back when Snowie was a puppy, we started “training” him to be okay alone. So, I’d leave the house for a few seconds, building up to one minute, and then come back. He got used to my coming back. We only started leaving him alone for extended periods from six months, and he was fine. He is seldom alone there days, but when we leave him, he’s totally resigned to the fact that he’s being left alone. So, perhaps you can go back to basics with a Maxx. It seems to me to be completely normal that Maxx is out of sorts; you have been away for a long time.

We only ever leave Snowie alone if he’s had a walk, otherwise I’d worry about his needing to poo or wee. If we think he’s still a bit restless, he gets a hoof or kong smeared with butter to lick when we go out. We also barricade the areas that have sofas cos he tends to dig in them—possibly self-pacifying.

As for Snowie worrying where one of us is. Yes, I have received WhatsApps to say: Snowie is wondering when you’re coming home. My husband says Snowie goes into the garden to “shout” at around the time I’m meant to be home. So he manages it by restricting his access to the garden at that time. Neighbors to think about... And if he has time, he’ll do some training with him to calm him down. Also, my husband says that Snowie will whine or moan if I’m out at night. Again, a spot of training calms him down. But hey, he gets antsy when I’m home, too—training or a sniffing game generally calms him down.

If I am going out or if I’m going away for a few nights, I tell Snowie I’m going away and that I’ll be coming back in x hours/x days. I know I know, does a dog understand English?! Maybe. Maybe not. But I feel less anxious about his worrying where I am, and maybe that is what helps. (I tell Snowie a lot of stuff. I tell him that on the weekend we’re doing x. And that x person is coming to visit. Etc. We talk a lot! He looks like he’s listening and knows exactly what’s going on! )

 

[kateincornwall]

It will be fine , honestly it will , he is just adjusting to life with his Dad around most of the time again and will soon adapt .
Re the leaving , we hardly ever left Reuben , the garlic eating episode scared me to death and so we took the dogs everywhere or got my elder grandson to puppy sit . Then about six months ago , we risked it , he has been absolutely fine to be left for a couple of hours or so, no barking ( we are reliably informed " and just seems to go to sleep and I always make sure he has had a good walk first .

 

[Emily_Babbelhund]

Brogan and now Carbon are rarely out of my sight, but I've been told the same thing by people who I leave/left them with (for a run to the loo at the pub, for example): "He sits and stares at the last place he saw you go until you come back!" So I agree with the others that because Maxx is used to you going and coming for work, he is more worried by Steve's coming and goings as he is more of Maxx's constant at home presence. I also agree that popping in and out for shorter periods (and the weekend trip) plus just time as he gets more confident that you'll always come back will do the trick.

You've not mentioned even thinking this, but remember none of this means he didn't have a blast in the kennels with his buddies (we have photographic evidence!) but of course he loves mum and dad best.

By the way, i'm going to say right here that if @Beanwood reads my comment about Carbon watching where I go if I leave him she's going to think, "No he doesn't!".

That's because Beanwood farm is Carbon's Doggie Disneyland and I have to drag him by the collar to my car or he'd never leave.

 

[Beanwood]

There does sound like Maxx is suffering a little separation anxiety, nothing serious of course just a bit of, uh oh...where is everyone? And...uh oh are they about to leave? Also, Maxx may have forgotten how to relax properly, and just needs a bit a help in re-learning this.

I would right back to basics...work on an attractive mat for Maxx, bed or crate and build up a really strong positive association around this, using kongs, interactive games, lick mats. The relaxation protocol is also great for building confidence and resilience. Then just leave Maxx with the bed/mat/crate or small area, for literally a few seconds at first, return with lots of praise! Then build this up gradually until you can leave for 15mins, 30mins, and an hour. If you can get someone to come in and sit for an hour, using the above protocol, ie: using the bed as a place where great things happen.

 

[Boogie]

Also try to get Maxx looking forward to Steve leaving, by Steve giving him a very tasty Kong every time he leaves.

The other thing is anticipation. So if Steve give Maxx no fuss whatever on returning - in fact ignores him for a while so that Maxx isn’t anticipating a celebration on Steve’s return. (Hard to do, I know!)

I‘m having to do this with Echo at the moment as he’s become such a Mummy’s boy. It’s slowly beginning to work.

 

[jazzmynn]

Thinking outside the box entirely, are the kennels/resort run by men and women? I was thinking if it’s only run by women Maxx might have been missing a male figure around, especially as he spends his days with Steve. Maybe he’s just needing a good “man fix”?

 

[Lab_adore]

Thank you for the advice and encouragement

@jazzmynn that is interesting.....when we dropped him off we only saw women and in every FB picture that had a person in it they were women too.

Steve wanted to wait until I get home tonight to do a big shopping run to Aldi but I told him no, go and leave Maxx with a Kong and don't fuss over him when you get back. I'm sure he will be ok. And Maxx too.

 

[Lab_adore]

This must be a bit upsetting @Lab_adore , but I like the advice from others. It’s very early days so give it time; with the barking for Steve, would a small scatter help at these key points (even simply leaving the room) just to break focus and reintroduce positive relaxing vibes?
I completely feel you in leaving him alone, we’ve done very similar with Kipper in that he’s either with us or we’re at home. We’ve realised we really need to work on this, in honesty one of our barriers is neutralizing the Kipper zone Theres still too much detritus around (napkins, leaflets, tea towels) within reach for a bored young hound to snarfle. So we’re tidying up, then we’re going to start going out for short periods, just a trip to the shop or a drink in the pub; slowly building it up, and maybe leaving the GoPro on to see how he takes to it. We could start a support thread between us if you liked?

I'll let you know how today goes @HAH - thanks!!

 

[M.F.]

The other thing is anticipation. So if Steve give Maxx no fuss whatever on returning - in fact ignores him for a while so that Maxx isn’t anticipating a celebration on Steve’s return. (Hard to do, I know!)

I find this one incredibly hard and counter-intuitive even though intellectually I can see why you recommend it. But I hate not being excited to see my dog, and it would be disappointing if he were not excited to see me, too.

 

[Lab_adore]

I find this one incredibly hard and counter-intuitive even though intellectually I can see why you recommend it. But I hate not being excited to see my dog, and it would be disappointing if he were not excited to see me, too.

I love coming home from work to find Maxx beside himself with joy that I'm home. He thunders down the (thankfully carpeted) stairs as soon as the front door opens and practically launches off the landing at me. I wouldn't be human if I didn't greet him back excitedly

Steve didn't go to Aldi, it's too hot. So perhaps tomorrow

 

[snowbunny]

I always get greeted by four happy faces at the front door. I generally sit on the floor and enjoy being bundled on.
When J comes home from work, he gets an eyebrow raise and a few tail thumps from various resting places.

Smug.

 

[Boogie]

I find this one incredibly hard and counter-intuitive even though intellectually I can see why you recommend it. But I hate not being excited to see my dog, and it would be disappointing if he were not excited to see me, too.

Being excited and behaving excited are two different things. It’s the anticipation of the celebration party that can be the problem for some dogs. My Tatze is fine, we can party all we like - she has no anxiety about being left. Spencer and Keir we’re fine too.

It‘s different for Echo. So I don’t even look at him when I return, I walk past and get on with things for ten or fifteen minutes. In the last week or so it has begun to work. He’s actually eaten his Kong when I’ve left him during the day and been snoozing on my return, even when he is completely alone. So I think we have turned a corner. Touch wood.