Has anyone noticed ....

Emily_Babbelhund

Emily_Babbelhund

Mama Red HOT Pepper
Location
Regensburg, Germany
M.F. said:
How are you feeling about it?
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M.F. said:
Then I’m the slow one. I really thought you were just being an amazing foster lady, and that you’d said you were not the right owner for him. I hope I’m not stepping out of line here, but I thought you had a love-hate relationship. Unless that was the protection required of a foster lady? I guess now that you are no longer Foster Lady, you can let loose all the love you have without holding back.
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He was absolutely meant to be a foster and I had zero intention of keeping him. Last February/March I had reserved a puppy from a breeder in the UK and short weeks before picking him up made the very very difficult decision that I wasn't ready for a dog yet. At the same time I also had some serious financial and career issues, which became a perfect storm of ick. While I realised that fostering was out of my emotional depth at the time, I decided to go walk dogs 5-6 days a week at two shelters. The first day at my local shelter, I met Carbon. My focus from then was getting him out and to the UK for adoption with the huge help of @Beanwood.

I ended up taking Carbon's Bodeguero buddy Paul (now Vizzy) as well and driving then both to the UK for Paul's adoption in June. Carbon could have gone to a wonderful family then, but due to his health issues and me not being able to emotionally deal with giving up both him and Paul at once, Kate and I had already decided to have him spend the summer with me in Germany. The plan was to bring him back to the UK for adoption in September.

I didn't really know Carbon when he came back to Germany with me. When Paul was with us, Paul was the focus. He's a Bod...they kind of suck the air out of the room for any other dog, especially a low-key dog like Carbon! I already loved him over the summer, but I still knew that I wasn't ready for my own dog - nothing had changed for me personally since I'd made the decision not to get the puppy in March. Plus my financial/career stuff was still going on and added to it the uncertainty of my German immigration status.

By November it was really clear that I was going to have a VERY hard time saying goodbye to Carbon but I was very worried at the time that he wasn't his happiest in a single-dog household. "Señor Grumpypantalones" had appeared and didn't seem to be making an exit. However once we got back to Germany he made a surprise turnaround and became such a happy camper, single dog household or no: he was back to sitting on the sofa and thumping his tail for no apparent reason, something he'd done constantly in Spain.

By January, I simply couldn't imagine leaving Carbon and driving away, even if he was going to the very best of families. It just did my heart in, even if I still wasn't sure I was the best option for him. By February my job more or less came back. In March I arrived in Cornwall and could finally stop moving around for the first time in two months. We also started his service dog training and I saw how much he loved it, how well he did and how happy he was. The last couple months was the final chink in the puzzle where I could really see how he'd be happy with me in the long term.

I remember telling @Rosie back in November that I still didn't feel I was ready to have a dog, but I seemed to have one anyway. While we are just at the beginning, I can now honestly say that I love Carbon and include him solidly in my pantheon of special pups along with Brogan, Duncan and Mama Jodhi. I do worry with his health issues that he'll not be around as long as I want him to be and I still have my moments of abject terror on that point (this was the main sticking point in me not being ready for a puppy). I just try to love him while he is here and take care of him the best I can.

So that is the story of how Carbon came to be only my second foster fail. Not a bad record out of 22 fosters. Let's see where the journey takes my Spanish gentleman dog and me!
 
Emily_Babbelhund

Emily_Babbelhund

Mama Red HOT Pepper
Location
Regensburg, Germany
Xena Dog Princess said:
It's almost a bit like an arranged marriage - you were a bit standoffish at first but now you've grown to love each other :)
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Too true - I always liked him but it took a while to love him. A fault of my personality, not his!

I always used to use that arranged marriage analogy with Brogan, too. Duncan was love at first sight and Brogan was the arranged marriage. But I loved them both equally in different ways. :)
 
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