Helicopter dog-rearing?

HAH

HAH

Moderator
Location
Devon, UK
I just read this article on parenting How to raise a resilient child | Psyche Guides the gist is that parents can be overly concerned with getting their parenting 'wrong' and not allowing their child to develop independence, so the tendency is to 'over-parent'. The author (a clinical psychologist) says that instead, parents might find it helpful to build on 5 skills to help develop into the long term. These are:
  • resilience - the ability to bounce back from adversity and overcome difficulties, by allowing the child to face age appropriate challenges.
  • self-regulation - the ability to offset immediate gain/desire for future goals (like not buying sweets on the way home so they can save for a computer game). This can be through setting clear rules and boundaries, with consistent results. " Over time, resist the temptation to always remind them of their responsibilities. In the long term, their internal motivation will be a more effective incentive than your reminders".
  • resourcefulness - being able to adapt actions to suit current situations, by encouraging creativity and problem solving.
  • respect - knowing that they're not always the priority, through turn taking, building duration and only rewarding appropriate behaviours.
  • responsibility - understanding accountability, and give and take; for example, laying the table for dinner.
It made me think that these translate rather well to having a dog, and raising them well. It also made me reflect on being a bit of a helicopter dog parent myself; while we've worked hard on some of these aspects above (responsibility aside - laying the table is taking forever to teach), I do have a habit of 'helping out' with difficult tasks, giving treats just a bit too easily and paying attention to requests when a bit of patience would be better.

I found it a helpful prompt to review my attitude and habits, and adjust towards a more independent approach. Particularly with my mum's puppy on the way, and maybe another puppy of our own in a year or so....
 
JES72

JES72

Location
SW London UK
I think teaching a puppy to settle is important to try to do early on. I wish I'd taught Homer to settle. I also give in to him too easily "What Homer wants Homer gets" We were strict with ourselves when he was younger and had a no human food rule which we generally stuck to, then I started giving hem the corner of my toast and so on... Now although he doesn't beg as such he will sit there waiting at the end of each meal.
I also haven't taught him to wait for a comment to fetch his ball. I through it and off he shoots, We'd fail at gun dog work.

We had a discussion with Homer the other evening that if we got him a puppy to play with he's have to loose some of his privileges as we couldn't let the puppy know that he was allowed treats or to sleep upstairs, so he decided that maybe a puppy wasn't such a good idea. Yes, we have conversations with our dog!
 
Natalie

Natalie

JES72 said:
I think teaching a puppy to settle is important to try to do early on. I wish I'd taught Homer to settle. I also give in to him too easily "What Homer wants Homer gets" We were strict with ourselves when he was younger and had a no human food rule which we generally stuck to, then I started giving hem the corner of my toast and so on... Now although he doesn't beg as such he will sit there waiting at the end of each meal.
I also haven't taught him to wait for a comment to fetch his ball. I through it and off he shoots, We'd fail at gun dog work.

We had a discussion with Homer the other evening that if we got him a puppy to play with he's have to loose some of his privileges as we couldn't let the puppy know that he was allowed treats or to sleep upstairs, so he decided that maybe a puppy wasn't such a good idea. Yes, we have conversations with our dog!
Click to expand...
I have so many things to comment on about this.... I'll be back later after dinner 😁
 
Lab_adore

Lab_adore

Moderator
Staff member
Location
Sydney, Australia
This is really interesting and thought provoking - thanks @HAH

We are in exactly the same boat as you @JES72. We had a strict 'no feeding dog from our plates' and 'no dog on the couch or the bed'....but it went out the window after puppyhood. Maxx is the same as Homer in that he doesn't beg but he MUST be in the room with us while we are eating so he can give us the labrastare. Otherwise he barks and OH can't handle him barking due to a crook ear (pressure builds up and it hurts). So Maxx has learnt very quickly to use his bark to get what he wants. We are working on it but little success.
 
JES72

JES72

Location
SW London UK
Oh yes, we give in to the bark. Homer will hear a pigeon or a cat or nothing in the garden and rush to the back door. Almost Every time we let him out, bark, bark, bark and I shake him kibble in his tub and in he comes for a small handful of kibble almost every time. He has us so well trained. We are bad bog parents. He is very good at other times and we’re are so often told how well trained he his, little do they know how much it is the other way round.
 
Candy

Candy

Biscuit Tin Guardian
Location
West Yorkshire, UK
HAH said:
I just read this article on parenting How to raise a resilient child | Psyche Guides the gist is that parents can be overly concerned with getting their parenting 'wrong' and not allowing their child to develop independence, so the tendency is to 'over-parent'. The author (a clinical psychologist) says that instead, parents might find it helpful to build on 5 skills to help develop into the long term. These are:
  • resilience - the ability to bounce back from adversity and overcome difficulties, by allowing the child to face age appropriate challenges.
  • self-regulation - the ability to offset immediate gain/desire for future goals (like not buying sweets on the way home so they can save for a computer game). This can be through setting clear rules and boundaries, with consistent results. " Over time, resist the temptation to always remind them of their responsibilities. In the long term, their internal motivation will be a more effective incentive than your reminders".
  • resourcefulness - being able to adapt actions to suit current situations, by encouraging creativity and problem solving.
  • respect - knowing that they're not always the priority, through turn taking, building duration and only rewarding appropriate behaviours.
  • responsibility - understanding accountability, and give and take; for example, laying the table for dinner.
It made me think that these translate rather well to having a dog, and raising them well. It also made me reflect on being a bit of a helicopter dog parent myself; while we've worked hard on some of these aspects above (responsibility aside - laying the table is taking forever to teach), I do have a habit of 'helping out' with difficult tasks, giving treats just a bit too easily and paying attention to requests when a bit of patience would be better.

I found it a helpful prompt to review my attitude and habits, and adjust towards a more independent approach. Particularly with my mum's puppy on the way, and maybe another puppy of our own in a year or so....
Click to expand...
That resonates with me, in that it's very much the way in which I was brought up. I remember asking my parents for help with a problem and being told, with a lot of love, 'See what you can come up with on your own, then we'll talk about it'. I believe that this has helped me to develop a resilience that although it can't prevent pain and sorrow, because these are inevitable in life, somehow helps me to develop strategies that enable me to haul myself through. I feel I was very blessed to have the parents I was born to. I do try to encourage my Joy to work things out for herself too, whilst letting her know that I always have her back, but it can be difficult to explain this what with my speaking of Dog being hugely inferior to her understanding of Hooman so frequently I find I just resort to making sure she feels safe and loved, which is probably what we all want really.
 
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