Holly

[Hollysdad]

I'm so sorry for how you are feeling now. It's really the most heart-sickening feeling and the reason it took me so very long to accept another dog after Brogan passed.

I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this, but I found losing my dogs harder than losing my own mother. They were with me 24/7 and especially in the case of Brogan, he was like my right arm. I didn't even know how to walk without him right there by my side. So you're missing them terribly, plus re-learning to do all the things you did with them, now without them. And of course the assistance dog thing doesn't really matter in that context, as you mention these daily things, moment by moment - like driving in the car or watching TV - and Holly is missing.

After a few days of silence - because I used to talk to Brogan all the time when he was alive - I started talking to him again. 7 years later, I STILL talk to him. Maybe in certain circles that would make me seem completely crazy, though I know no one here would think that. I don't care in any case, because it helped me enormously to believe - as I do believe - that he's still with me.

I hope you and Ruth find your own way to ease your pain, whatever works for you.

In a year where I lost my mother and Holly, I can understand what you're saying. Our dogs are like children in their needs for attention, training, love, food and every other aspect of life. We build memories with them. We pour our love into them, and they give it back unconditionally. Holly and I built a strong relationship, particularly in the six years since I retired as I was with her almost every day. Long walks and regular play sessions brought us close together. I talked to her lots. She followed Ruth and I around the house as we went about our days, and would watch the front door if either of us went out. I couldnt even take a shower without Holly waiting outside the bathroom door with a toy. Her presence filled every part of our lives, and now she’s gone. The emptiness is overwhelming. In time I hope we can talk about the happy times, but right now theres just a huge hole in our lives.

 

[Atemas]

I hope you and Ruth find your own way to ease your pain, whatever works for you.

This is so very hard but time will soften the pain. Three years on I still grieve for Sky. I find myself looking at the thousands of photos and videos we have of her. I do ‘see’ her as by my side. You gave me courage @Hollysdad to go to the cupboard in the garage that had all Sky’s belongings - her PAT ‘uniform’, her collars and leads, she was never one for toys….and I threw them away. It made me cry but it was time for them to go.

Thinking of you both

 

[Stacia]

I weep for you both @Hollysdad, the pain of loss is searing. I know it gets better as time goes by, but living through the now is difficult. Sending loving thoughts.

 

[kateincornwall]

I often think of Sam , mainly because I have a massive reminder beside me in his great nephew . I also think of all the others who went before and firmly believe that we do not ` get over ` our loss but in time we learn to live with it , eventually looking back with smiles and happy memories of lives well lived, no matter how short or long xxxx

 

[MellowYellow]

Oh it is horrible, losing your dog. As others have said, slowly time will help and you will be able to smile as you remember Holly... but right now it is just pain and loss. We all understand. Every spring I am so happy to see the bulbs I planted come up where we scattered Billy and Bones' ashes in the garden - it is a wonderful, positive thing for me, but planting those bulbs and scattering the ashes was difficult and painful and came with many tears.

 

[Hollysdad]

We all understand. Every spring I am so happy to see the bulbs I planted come up where we scattered Billy and Bones' ashes in the garden - it is a wonderful, positive thing for me, but planting those bulbs and scattering the ashes was difficult and painful and came with many tears.

We scattered the ashes for Gypsy and Cocoa in their favourite places. Gypsy had a favourite walk in the Cotswolds and Cocoa liked Slade woods, not far from where Rosie and Pongo live. Holly had a few favourite places such as the Beacon, Crabtree Hill and the Dog Dip. We haven't yet decided where to bury her ashes.

 

[Hollysdad]

Today I plucked up courage to take all Holly's unused medicines back to the vets. I went at a quiet time, steeled myself in the car park and walked in the door. Holly would always enter the vets and trot over to the scales. As soon as I saw the scales my composure collapsed. The receptionist had a soft spot for Holly, and she came over and we hugged and cried together.

 

[kateincornwall]

A true testament to a wonderful girl , that the receptionist shared your tears . Tears are a good release of emotion, nothing wrong with a loss of composure , I would also have given you a hug xx

 

[edzbird]

theres just a huge hole in our lives.

I know. It will always be there, but surrounded by memories - gradually appearing, like flowers.

 

[Hollysdad]

Our friend Avril came around today with Cooper, a Poodle/King Charles cross. We chatted for hours over several cuppas and played with Cooper. He's an energetic little chap, and the first dog I've met who can open a biscuit tin without using his paws. He decided to empty Holly's toy box all over the floor so it was just like old times - toys everywhere! He went away with several of her toys so we know they're going to a good home.
It was really kind of her to come over and raise our spirits a bit. She's invited us to join here and Cooper for a walk. Her visit has made us realise that we must stop prevaricating and take Holly's toys and bits over to dog rescue. It's a bit of a final step, but we can't keep putting it off.

 

[Xena Dog Princess]

I haven't done anything with Xena's toys and bits and bobs yet, Phil - the only things I've given away have been her food and treats. I haven't even packed anything away. Although I don't think that we'll be getting another dog this year, we are planning to eventually welcome another dog into our home, so that's why I'm not getting rid of everything. All of this is to say that you don't have to rush yourself.

 

[Hollysdad]

I haven't done anything with Xena's toys and bits and bobs yet, Phil - the only things I've given away have been her food and treats. I haven't even packed anything away. Although I don't think that we'll be getting another dog this year, we are planning to eventually welcome another dog into our home, so that's why I'm not getting rid of everything. All of this is to say that you don't have to rush yourself.

Its a difficult choice. Every time we see her toys, bowls and bed it reminds us that she’s no longer here. We want to move on but at the same time we don’t want to let go. We’ve taken some of her favourite toys (including some of her very first ones) out of the box as mementoes of a wonderful dog. Maybe getting rid of the bulk of her things will help. We don’t know.
We’re currently undecided about having another dog. Losing Holly so suddenly has put us through the wringer. She never really had an old age so I don’t think we were prepared for it. She went from fit and very active to dead in four stressful months and we’re both feeling drained. Seeing Cooper was a real boost yesterday as it reminded us of the joy they bring, but could we commit to giving that much of ourselves again? We’re not sure at the moment.

 

[kateincornwall]

I made a memory box for Sam when he died , just a couple of his favourite toys, his collar etc . I put it away until I felt strong enough to open it . The loss of a dog is not just the loss of the dog but the loss of a way of life , so many situations when they were included in our every day being , it is so tough to come to terms with . My thoughts are with you xx

 

[Hollysdad]

A memory box is a nice idea. I guess that we’re doing that by keeping some of her favourite and oldest toys.

The loss of a dog is not just the loss of the dog but the loss of a way of life

Absolutely right.

 

[Hollysdad]

i feel I should clarify my earlier post. She wasn’t showing any signs of age but she was approaching 10 so we wanted to be ahead of the game. We’d got a ramp for the car which a friend no longer needed (his dog refused to use it) and taught Holly to use it. We were also looking at cars with a bigger boot and lower entrance. I’d set aside some offcuts of timber to make a ramp for the back door as the step is quite high. We’d started her on salmon oil as a precaution against joint problems. The poor girl never had an old age and missed out on all that pampering.

 

[SteffiS]

Two of my labs have died quite suddenly, one at 8 another at 9. It's a horrible shock even when you know they are starting to show signs of being unwell, as it’s easy to assume things can be controlled and they will live to a good age.

A memory box is a good idea, and I think being undecided about things is understandable, and no decisions need to be rushed.

 

[Stacia]

I lost a dog of just 8 years overnight and it is a shock. I can see you are grieving for that might have been and that adds to the heartache and it is such a heartache. You will be able to give yourselves to another dog but that won't take anything from Holly, it is because Holly was so loved that yo ucan give love again. As someone once said, "I am not replacing my dog in my heart, just creating another space". Take each day as it comes, I still have one toy in the cupboard that I have never let another dog of mine touch as it was last touched by Saffy. Do what you can feel able to do and if you can't, just wait. I feel so deeply for you x

 

[Hollysdad]

I lost a dog of just 8 years overnight and it is a shock. I can see you are grieving for that might have been and that adds to the heartache and it is such a heartache. You will be able to give yourselves to another dog but that won't take anything from Holly, it is because Holly was so loved that yo ucan give love again. As someone once said, "I am not replacing my dog in my heart, just creating another space". Take each day as it comes, I still have one toy in the cupboard that I have never let another dog of mine touch as it was last touched by Saffy. Do what you can feel able to do and if you can't, just wait. I feel so deeply for you x

Thank you.

 

[Hollysdad]

Events made the decision for us today. The vet called to let us know that Holly's ashes had been returned. We decided to collect them at about 3:00 as that's when the surgery is quiet.
We went through Holly's things again and decided what we were going to put in her memory box, and what we were content to pass on to other dogs. We took everything else to the surgery with us and brought Holly home.
When we're ready we'll find a nice day and take her to the Beacon. She always loved that place.

 

[Xena Dog Princess]

The poor girl never had an old age and missed out on all that pampering.

That's exactly how I'm still feeling. On the Friday - one week before she died - I had my end of year Christmas party in the afternoon, and Joe had his that evening. I didn't want to go to Joe's, I just wanted to hang out with Xena on the bed which is how I usually spent Friday nights. My mum said "don't be silly, you'll have heaps more time with her," and I said "I know, I have the whole holidays ahead of us!" God, just typing that makes me cry. I knew that she was going in for surgery on the Monday (and with any surgery there's a risk) but I totally believed that I'd have 6 amazing weeks of hanging out with my best friend, doing our traditional "school holiday" walks, doing lots of hose play in the garden once summer kicked in. I still don't understand how this could have happened to my absolutely wonderful dog, and I know that you're probably feeling the exact same way about Holly. We should have had years more with them.