Its very strange

[kateincornwall]

Non dog people would think me mad I`m sure , hope you don't ! Until recently , I could remember Sams face without looking at a photo , every contour , every expression in his lovely amber eyes , could remember the way he walked , ran and swam . Now my memories are blurred , and have sort of morphed into Reuben , his face and body , to the point that unless I look at my lovely painting of him , I cannot recall Sams face without seeing Reubens face too . In facial features they are not alike , in body and build yes in fact the similarity is striking , but definitely not the face . Sam had a big head , very broad , whereas young whippersnapper has a narrower face altogether and yet they join together when I think of Sam .
They share a few little idiosyncrasies , which may just be endemic to the breed or maybe not . They do have a genetic connection, not too close , but its there so I guess its to be expected to share a few little ways .
I used to feel Sams presence all the time , in fact my ICU nurse asked me who Sam was because I was talking to him as though he were there ,thanking him for visiting me , she obviously thought he was a male relative !
Reuben was never ever meant as a replacement , Sam was my special one but I am so pleased he is here as I think he has helped to heal my broken heart xx

 

[Selina27]

I don't really know what to say, other than that grief, bereavement and moving on (by that I don't mean forgetting) do strange things to us. xx

 

[kateincornwall]

Not much anyone can say @Selina27 , and having worked for many years as a counsellor for the Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Support Service , I should know that grief is not straight forward ! I doubt my ramblings are making much sense anyway ! x

 

[Jennifer]

Reuban is helping you to live with the happy memories Sam gave you. The only memories that need to be remembered. Smile at the memories and be happy

 

[HAH]

I think what you and @Selina27 said is spot on, that grief and grieving can be odd and surprising and comforting and smack-you-round-the-back-of-the-head hijacking in different ways at different times. It might be that you’re reaching a new stage where your embedded memories of Sam have shifted to senses and feelings and evocations rather than distinct ‘rerunning a film’ sort of ways. It’s such a curious thing. I’m so glad Reuben’s helping so much. You clearly made the right decision xx

 

[Selina27]

, I should know that grief is not straight forward ! I doubt my ramblings are making much sense anyway ! x

I hope I didn't come across preachy Ramblings don't have to make sense do they?

That sounds like a very worthwhile thing to do , the Blue Cross counselling service. Yet another thing that would be of use as a district nurse.

 

[kateincornwall]

No @Selina27 , you didn't come across as preachy at all !
@HAH thank you , your analysis makes perfect sense ! x

 

[kateincornwall]

I hope I didn't come across preachy Ramblings don't have to make sense do they?

That sounds like a very worthwhile thing to do , the Blue Cross counselling service. Yet another thing that would be of use as a district nurse.

It was a worthwhile thing to do , I was a volunteer for a long time , but in the end I had to retire as it does burn you out x

 

[Candy]

Not much anyone can say @Selina27 , and having worked for many years as a counsellor for the Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Support Service , I should know that grief is not straight forward ! I doubt my ramblings are making much sense anyway ! x

Your ramblings make perfect sense to me Kate. Little Joy is so very different from Solstice, but the company, fun and Joy she brings me is the same, but in a different way.........(Now who's rambling!)

 

[Selina27]

in the end I had to retire as it does burn you out

I can imagine.

 

[Emily_Babbelhund]

This makes perfect sense to me, Kate, and reminds me very much about how I felt about Duncan when young whippersnapper Brogan came along.

A funny but comforting thing - when Brogan passed Duncan came back clear as a bell and then it felt as if the both of them, with very different personalities, were hanging around keeping a lookout over me.

 

[Candy]

Emily, that's beautiful. Whenever I have worries of whatever kind about my current dog I appeal to my previous dogs for help. Whether it works or not is neither here nor there, it's still comforting.

 

[Emily_Babbelhund]

Whenever I have worries of whatever kind about my current dog I appeal to my previous dogs for help.

I do this too!

I travel with a photo of Brogan (same as my avatar) and he and I have some serious discussions at times about poor old Carbon. I say, "You sent him my way, you big goober, so you'd better show me how to help him!"

 

[Candy]

Not possible to do more than one 'Like' in the conventional way, so I'm just Liking this endlessly. xxx

 

[Stacia]

I do understand @kateincornwall and maybe the spirit of Sam is in Reuben, I don't think that is ramblings, there are many things in this world and life that we are yet to understand. I just wish my Drift was in Rourke, but he isn't, but maybe that is because Rourke was already five when Drift died. Perhaps the spirit of the departed dog is 're-born' into the new pup.

 

[Charlie]

Grief takes us to all kinds of emotional places that we sometimes don't understand. Sam was the 'one' for you Kate, he always will be. Reuben is helping your heart to start healing. Sam would be happy for you. xxx

 

[Cath]

 

[Emily_Babbelhund]

@kateincornwall , you know much better than I do that grief is a funny old path. @Charlie 's comment about Sam being the one for you made me think about my 'one'. Which, despite how much I talk about Brogan here, was NOT Brogan. My special one was Duncan. When he passed at five, I was completely adrift. It still breaks my heart to think about it, but I can also remember the good times and be so grateful I had him with me even for a short time. Then Brogan came along and I wanted him so much to have Duncan's spirit and somehow be Duncan come back.

Brogan wasn't that at all and unlike how you've embraced Reuben and love him on his own unique terms, I spent a few years (yes, I'm embarrassed to say YEARS) resenting that Brogan wasn't anything like Duncan. Then I finally came to terms with Brogan's own unique challenges and gifts and started to appreciate him and love him. Finally while he maybe wasn't THE ONE from birth like Duncan he certainly was MY ONE. And you know the rest of the story from there.

Like you, I don't feel like Duncan ever left me. He comes when I need him and now so do Brogan and Mama Jodhi (though she was really more my mother's guardian angel dog). Though it doesn't apply to your Reuben, I'm also now grateful for the hard times with Brogan, as it's helped me look at Carbon with his very similar issues and think, "Ok now...what did I do wrong and right with Brogan that I can apply here to help Carbon?".

 

[Boogie]

Pups are great heart healers. (When they aren’t driving us maaaad! )

Boogie was, and always will be, my special one - but I do have to look at photos to see his particular features or my mind changes them slightly. I tend to think he was bigger than he was and that his fur was longer!

I have my heart broken once a year. It’s nothing like that final trip to the vets as I know they are fine and happy, but each pup takes a piece of my heart with them. The new pup keeps me busy, challenged, amused and happy - then slowly but surely takes another piece of my heart. It’s the price you pay for this ‘job’ I do. I love them from day one, but by Spencer’s age they are very much ‘my’ dog and I have to keep reminding myself I’m bringing them up for someone else.

Hugs for you @kateincornwall