I'm so sorry to hear about Poppy x
feel like I am grieving in advance for her death... Is that weird? Do you understand what I mean??
I think I understand this. In a different, sort of slow burn way, it's how I feel about Monty, but without those terrifying moments you must have whenever Poppy has a seizure and you fear for her immediate health.
From the age of seven months, we've just lived year by year with Monty. At one, we weren't sure he'd make 3, then we hoped he'd get to 5. By then we'd ruled out any type of surgery, so we knew we were just managing flare ups and slow deterioration, each year adding another joint to the list with arthritis and noticing a young dog look like a very old dog at times. At vet visits I used to tear up thinking of the worst when we talked frankly about his prognosis. I catastrophised every limp and stumble into the worst scenario.
Now, I regret all that wasted angst and worry, because all it did was use up emotional energy and work myself up into upsets. He's almost nine now, an age I never thought he'd get to (even my ever optimistic rehab vet is happily surprised by this, I think) and fingers crossed, he's doing well.
It's not the same as Poppy, of course, but I think I get your processing and although I'd love to say don't think about it, it's just human nature for some of us that we do. X
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