What if you can never move on?

[Anne123]

Beautiful picture of you and Brogan! I am sorry you are feeling so sad!

About bonding, it really takes time. One dog isn’t the other. We have had 3 labs, all yellow. We don’t forget them. I often think about our first, who had a special place in our hearts. First lab, no experience with dogs at all! Someone recommended us to buy a lab for a family pet and that is what we did.
Our third is Finn. I had a really hard time with him and often wondered to bring him back to the breeder. He didn’t have that special place the other two had! I really disliked him.....Often cried and wondered what I was thinking to have bought a third dog. Finn came to us while we still had Euan. Euan was a bit of a handful as a pup, but after a couple of months we started to bond and he was quieter and sweet. Then Finn.....he learned Euan to bark....we didn’t like the little bundle of “joy”. It was not the puppy blues. Now Finn also has a special place in our hearts. Finn isn’t a dog dog, he is a people’s dog. It took my husband longer to bond with him then me. My husband started to love him after Euan had died and my husband started to work with Finn. He started doing scent work and they started bonding!

Take your time, one day at the time and see how it goes.

 

[MellowYellow]

Same with me, I didnt bond with Poppy at first, because I thought she was ruining our old dog's life... (she wasn't). It wasn't really until Bones died that I started to love her truly and deeply. Merlin of course bounded into my life and I lost my heart immediately... They are all different, and our responses to each are different.

Do try to be kind to yourself, @Emily_Babbelhund. There's no right or wrong. You have changed Carbon's life immeasurably for the better, and he loves you for that - he just has a different way of showing it. Maybe he senses your inner reserve - but that's ok too.

Remember that old Stephen Stills song, which seems apt at the moment: 'And if you can't be with the one you love, honey - love the one you're with...'

 

[kateincornwall]

It took for me to lose Sam , before I bonded with Nelly . I loved her of course , but I didn't feel that special closeness that I`d had with my big boy , that surge of love just when you look at them . We have owned Nelly for almost 18 months now , the past six of those months have seen a shift in my emotions , I never thought I could love a tiny toy breed with such intensity , as I do now xx

 

[Emily_Babbelhund]

Thank you all for such wise and kind words, especially as all this is something that most of you have heard from me over and over for literally YEARS. I'm just so disappointed in myself that I've not been able to get past whatever it is that I can't seem to get past. I know that another dog would not take away from my memories of Brogan at all and I'm truly not trying to replace him in any way. Brogan - if he was here and could talk - would be the first to tell me to get on with it!

I'm still having some pretty hard days lately - not really sure why - but hopefully I'll get my bounce back. I used to say that I wish I could be more like Brogan temperament-wise and I think the same thing about Carbon, albeit for different reasons. For Carbon, I really admire his ability to be so bomb-proof and keep that tail wagging. I need to borrow some of that moxie!

 

[Granca]

I'm just so disappointed in myself that I've not been able to get past whatever it is that I can't seem to get past.

Don’t beat yourself up, Emily. You achieve more than most of us do/could - I wish I had some of your ‘get up and go’ and travel bug too. It’s desperately hard when life throws the unexpected at you, but just try to go with the flow. I know only too well that’s easier said than done, but we’re all willing you on.

 

[SwampDonkey]

I've been thinking about this since it was posted. It's a very alien thing to me, to be so stuck and I've been thinking about it. it's so hard for you, I'm so sorry. I think you have to want and feel happy to let go and you don't seem ready yet. When it's time you will know. Just don't beat yourself up about it, things tend to work out in their own time. Lots of love from me and Rory

 

[UncleBob]

... For Carbon, I really admire his ability to be so bomb-proof and keep that tail wagging. I need to borrow some of that moxie!

Borrow away - I'm sure Carbon has loads to go around

 

[Oberon]

Just sending a hug.

 

[Stacia]

Rourke isn't cuddly but that doesn't mean to say he doesn't love me! He greets others with enthusiasm, even cries with excitement when he sees Bob, never does that for me when I come home, but I know that if he had to make a choice, he would choose to come with me.

I don't have the same attachment as I did with my deceased (and very difficult Lab Drift) and I don't think we can have the same feelings for different dogs, each dog brings his own character and we love in different ways.

One day the time will be right for you xxx

 

[Beanwood]

I know this has been so challenging for you, and heartbreaking at the same time. You know how long it took @Mr Beanwood to even entertain the thought of getting another dog after Barney, 10 years....and a lab? Just not his type at all! And look at us now...he adores all three, but I think Casper shares the larger piece of his heart, well I guess they have a lot in common...stubborn, awkward, stoic and they both snore...plus rehoming either of them would be impossible.....

But he has loved and cared for all our fosters unconditionally. As soon as that dog puts his paw over our threshold they become part of the gang. The caveat here is though, they are fosters, no matter how difficult we were just a step for them in their journey. We just had to draw a line.

You have had so much going on, life has been hugely tough and for a long time, and still, yet you have the compassion to care for Carbon...now that is hard, I think in some respects I think he has helped, but on the other hand the grief around Brogan is still very vivid for you.

I don't know what I am saying, only you deserve so much to be happy, your company is amazing! My dogs just adore you. I really need to work on a cue "Do not wash Emily's ears" ......but don't think I could find a motivator that could possibly work

Your dog is out there, maybe just around the corner, maybe a year or two from now. Just give yourself a bit of time, keep your friends around you, and keep talking to us! x

 

[Emily_Babbelhund]

I really need to work on a cue "Do not wash Emily's ears" .

Don't you DARE! I'm due for an ear cleaning, so cue up Benson please!

Thank you (and @Mr Beanwood of course) for all your help - as we've already talked about, I can really empathise with his 10 year journey after Barney.

And @SwampDonkey , I wish I could borrow some of your moxie, too. You are right that all my plodding is alien to you - you jump right in. You and Carbon would be a good pair that way - both fearless.

I wish I had some of your ‘get up and go’ and travel bug too.

Want to come and help pack? 'Cause right now I'm fantasising about renting some boring little IKEA-furnished flat somewhere and never ever moving again. But don't worry, I'll get over it and Carbon and I will be heading south over the Brenner pass in my tiny Tardis in no time.

Because - as everyone knows- Italy is on the way to the UK.

 

[SwampDonkey]

Blind stupidity really

 

[Bruer]

Grief has no time limit, you'll know when you're ready Until then sending you a hugs to take your sadness away

 

[Jacqui-S]

keep your friends around you, and keep talking to us! x

This.

 

[Mabel’smummy]

@Emily_Babbelhund I’m so sorry that you are feeling so sad. I don’t have any advice although I can totally understand how you feel as our son lost his lab over six years ago now and he has never got another dog. When I got Mabel he didn’t look at her for a whole year, he has never moved on. It is incredibly sad as like you he has so much to offer another dog.
Sending you huge virtual hugs.