Oh, what a strange day it's been! First it rained all day, which isn't that strange. It's Ireland, after all. I pulled everything out of my car for a big old season-changing repack. Out with the summer, in with the winter! I also need to re-pack for California and minimalism once again. Nothing strange there either.
I had a work meeting. Normal. But then my next work meeting didn't have an online room yet and my calendar wouldn't let me book one. Mmmm... the only fix I know is to reboot my laptop. Tried that, didn't work. My laptop has been irritatingly telling me for two weeks that I had a software update to install. Maybe that was the issue? So I clicked on the update and waited.
My log in came up after the update was completed. Yay! I logged in. No! Not letting me in. Not recognising my password. 30 minutes to my next meeting. I. Am. Sunk.
I have no mobile reception on my little Irish hill, so I drag out my old laptop - the one with the dead keyboard - and fire it up along with the external mouse and keyboard. Very cludegy. I was so pleased to not have to use the darn thing when I bought my shiny new laptop back in January, but boy am I glad I have the old thing now. Dial up Apple Support on Skype and wait.
I get a lady who sounds like she is from deepest Alabama but is actually sitting in Michigan. I won't bore you with the details, but she tries a lot of fixes over the next 1,5 hours. A. Lot. Finally she says, "Oh, I know what to try!" And the line goes dead. Wah, waaaahhhhh!
I dial back into Apple Support. Candidate number two comes on the line. He's in New York. I explain everything all over again and what his colleague had tried. "Do you have an external keyboard?" he asks. "Well yeah, but this is nothing to do with the keyboard, its something with my log in caused by the software update." "Just try it, " he says.
I try it and immediately I can sign in! Yahooo! Turns out my built-in keyboard is typing in gibberish symbols instead of the English alphabet. Yikes! I apologised to candidate number two for doubting him. "Hey, that shows character that you admitted that," he says. "Let me do some research because I have a feeling we can fix this." "Great!" I say. I feel like we are really bonding now. Finally, a solution.
Until the line goes dead a second time. Noooooooooo!!!!
I dial in a third time. By now my serial number is imprinted into my brain until death do us part. My third candidate is a woman. I don't care where she is. I'm polite but my charm has worn off by now. She asks me if I can share my screen. "I can do that?" I ask, incredulous: I've just spent the last 2,5 hours patiently describing every screen and click to her two colleagues. I don't know whether to be thrilled that Apple can see my screen or to pound my head on the table because...of course Apple has the technology to see your screen! Maybe the other two just enjoyed my talented verbal odes to a blank screen with a spinning beach ball?
Another 45 minutes pass, at the end of which candidate number three says, "You have to take it to an Apple store. The keyboard is broken, they'll replace it."
"I'm in Ireland on a hill. There is no Apple store. There's not even a grocery store. There are just sheep."
"You're on an island?" she asks.
"No, IRELAND." I say, starting to just want to crawl under something large and heavy. Then I feel guilty. It is not candidate number three's fault that I've been on the phone with support for nearly four hours now and have missed two important work meetings. "Granted," I say, "Ireland is an island, so you weren't wrong."
For some reason candidate number three finds this hilarious. I'm imagining she doesn't get out much.
Then my holiday rental host pops her head in my front door and I take leave of candidate number three.
After my Irish host has gone, I grab dinner and my computer ...and the mouse and keyboard. Sigh. Back to my incredibly awkward Italian keyboard for the duration. Sigh again.
Except...now my browser doesn't work. I have internet but when I click on MLF 'new posts' it just downloads and html file. No! No! No! Cludgey keyboard is one thing...no MLF? As Carbon would say, "Pfft! Pfft! and more Pfft!"!!
I dial back into the Apple Support line. Instead of having to wait, the automated voice says, "I see you've visited us before. Is this true?" "YES." "Is this call about the same issue?" "YES!!!" "We're transferring you to Apple Care."
What? No wait? No choice of my favourite music on hold (honestly, Apple, really?)?
Then candidate number four came on the line and my faith in humanity was restored. I explained my problem, I shared my screen and her powerful mojo reached across the waters and healed my browser. Praise the lambies! She also answered all my questions about how a software update could have messed up my keyboard and how to make an appointment with Apple to fix it once I'm back in San Jose. She even gave me the magic password to get around the voice automation system when calling in.
If she would have been here, I would have kissed her feet.
So I still have a horrible Italian keyboard and an equally horrible mouse, both dating back to 1997 (possibly). I will have to carry two laptops with me back to California. Ugh.
But at least I can access MLF and know that when it comes to software support, FOUR times is the charm.
Oh, and Carbon wants to say that while he is a very patient Spanish gentleman, he is getting quite tired of me hijacking his thread. Hopefully he's up to mastering the Italian keyboard tomorrow.
I love how they set off running , not really sure what they are doing , legs all over the place 
. 
