I believe most on MLF know this but for any new people here's an article by Eileen Anderson.
What To Do When People Approach Your Reactive Dog - eileenanddogs
What To Do When People Approach Your Reactive Dog - eileenanddogs
It is perfectly OK not to socially interact with a stranger who is approaching you
- Thread starter Cupcase
- Start date
This is a great article @Cupcase , thanks for sharing. There’s something very powerful about writing it out clearly - you don’t have to engage. And I like her description of her dog as having ‘special needs’; it won’t work for everyone as a term, but I liked it as a way of emphasizing the needs above everything else.
Beanwood
Administrator
God! A great article...I find that I am sunk if I try and explain..."Please ignore, my dog is nervous...." For some obscure reason, everyone I say this too, magicks into a dog whisperer and I am in even deeper doggy doo....
Think I might just tazer those lovely, overhelpful people. Least that way I don't have to talk to them as they writhe on the floor.
Think I might just tazer those lovely, overhelpful people. Least that way I don't have to talk to them as they writhe on the floor.Yeah, but taser cartridges are expensive - and there are a lot of ‘helpful’ people out there. Maybe swearing loudly and violently would put them off more quickly? You could always do it in another language to soften the blow.
- Location
- Isle of Man
"Do not make eye contact. Eye contact is the beginning of the end. Use your cue and get away when you see that person approaching in that “special” way. "
Yes indeedy.
Yes indeedy.
- Location
- Andorra and Spain
I'm afraid not- having tried this approach myself. As Eileen says, it's communication, and you're best to avoid that. If you swear, people will become defensive, or aggressive. It's not a way to get people to back off at all, as much as it might feel good to us in the moment.
99% of the time, I totally blank people when my dog is struggling. It's not really a conscious thing, I am just totally absorbed in helping him get through the situation. If the other person does something useful (steps out of the way, or whatever), I will flash a big smile and a "Thank you SO much!" at them as I pass, just to reinforce them, but other than that, it's just me and mah dawg. I think it clicked at some point that I can't ask the other person to take any of the responsibility. If they do help out without me asking, great, but otherwise, it's all down to me. If you want something doing...
The communication thing is really interesting. I've mentioned Gavin de Becker's book "The Gift of Fear" in other places, but it's relevant here, too. Responding to someone's attempts at communication gives them power over you. There are times that's fine, of course, but we do well to learn that it's OK to withhold that privilege for ourselves, too.
Absolutely right, I was being flippant
- as in all harassment situations (well-intended or not) starving out the oxygen of reaction seems to be the best way forward - however counter-intuitive it seems for us as human beings and particularly women, raised to be ‘polite’ and responsive.
- Location
- Isle of Man
Yes, this. Never expect someone else to do the right thing, only you are responsible.
Beanwood
Administrator
Oh yes. Fell completely into this trap the other day. A nice fella was sort of hanging out near me with his dog, I smiled at him, and he commented on how sweet Otter was, I was recalling Bramble from his dog so we could move on. I thanked him, and as he leaned towards her, I hurriedly said no, don't, please ignore her, she is a little nervous of men. She is absolutely fine now, but I wanted to stop him leaning in to her. Well this just spurred him on to make more effort! Otter glares at him...and starts barking! I end up apologising! Doh... I just should have gotten Bramble and without a backward glance MOVED ON.
It’s incredibly difficult; you’re fighting a lifetime of social conditioning.
- Location
- SW London UK
The other day I stopped to say hello to a neighbour, another lady, a stranger, came from the side and came up close to Homer to say help to him, Homer turned towards her and barked. Not noticing the lady at first I was caught off guard, tripped over my own feet and sat down on the path with my feet in the air! The lady apologised but said "he looked so friendly!"
- Location
- Melbourne, Australia
My most successful technique to date has been to just talk to Ella a little OTT, saying "leave, good girl, that's it, leave".
I think the combination of ignoring the other person, along with them being able to hear me telling Ella to leave them alone, seems to help. Ella seems fine with the situation, just happy to be eating treats
I think the combination of ignoring the other person, along with them being able to hear me telling Ella to leave them alone, seems to help. Ella seems fine with the situation, just happy to be eating treats
- Location
- Isle of Man
Yes...this sounds like me.
- Location
- Melbourne, Australia
Sometimes I'll even throw an "it's ok, you're ok" in there too
Honestly, I don't have an issue with Ella being nervous or crazy (well, not too often anymore
), I just don't feel the need to speak to and meet every single person. Especially those with dogs that think it would be great for our dogs to meet and play (on lead)I
This is where I'm at. I wish someone had gave me permission years ago. It makes such a difference to Cupar, to just concentrate on Cupar, instead of feeling obliged to acknowledge and justify to complete strangers why my dogs going crazy. I use it's OK and good boy a lot now, all the time feeding squeezey cheese.Sometimes I'll even throw an "it's ok, you're ok" in there too
Honestly, I don't have an issue with Ella being nervous or crazy (well, not too often anymore
Lisa
Moderator
- Location
- Alberta, Canada
Emily_Babbelhund
Mama Red HOT Pepper
- Location
- Regensburg, Germany
I'm in the "just blank everyone out" camp, but it's hard. 20 years of Rottweilers and trying to make people comfortable with them though eye contact and smiling is a hard habit to break. It's still a bit of a shock to me that anyone wants to approach my dog and universally EVERYONE assumes he's friendly, which is pretty much the opposite of my previous experience.
- Location
- Argyll & Bute, Scotland
xx