It took about three months for me to get my Fire Service spouse's pension, but when I did it was more than I expected and a rare pleasant surprise. It made me feel happy because I knew Trevor would not want me to have to worry about money. Re the loneliness, I am finding I'm getting more used to spending time on my own now, which helps. Re the numbness, that comes and goes I find, as does the grief, as well of the moments of gratitude for the lovely life we had together, enjoying our dogs and friends and holidays so much. I find I'm always able to think 'At least we had that', being aware that some people never do. Such a strange and different time. I do believe though that I must just go with it.
Love to you and your faithful Rourke from me and my little Joy.xx
Yes, I agree that I must just go with it, though being towards end of my life it can be scary. Wish I could go back and have years of Labradors 
xxxx