The Kennel Club - no hoomans allowed!

We is goin' owt for Dads birfday on Wensday. Notice I sed 'we'? I'm goin' too! It's a caffay that lets doggos go there. I neva been anywhere like that before. Mum sed she thinks it is a VERY BAD IDEA to take me. Why is she bein' so mean? But Dad sed I will be a good boi. Can't wait!
I go to caffays all the time Maxx. The trick is to lye down right in the way. That way evferywun pays attenshun to yoo.
 
We wen on a wok by the river an it was sooo fun but we got to the bit where the uvver day mum was throwin the ballies and then pointing her black thingie at us an clickin. An so I sposed the same wiz gunna happen so I bounced an sed “ballie pleez mum”. But she sed “not today Willow-bear” an I woz awl sad.

Then I did hatch a deevyus plan. I found the freshest, smelliest cow poo I could an I rolled an rolled an rolled in it. An gess wot? Wen we got back to the ballie-throwy bit of river mum sed “in you go!” so I did go in but onlee up to my nees and then I did The Stare an mum sed “Oh I spose I can throw the ball” so she did an I swimmed bak an forf across the river and de-smellied. It woz brill.
Willow the Wise
 
Maxx - caffays are ace. Follow everybodies advise and you will be fine. Just make sure they don't tie you to the table if it is loose and you get excited and want to run off....but that could be funny cause then you would get loads of food on the ground....

Iver - you is very good. I did that once when I tried to dig a great big hole to yoo kay, but never made it out of the garden...
 

Atemas

UK Tour Guide
Mumsie saz I stink. We went to the beech then I found a ditch with black water in it. I went in. Mumsie called me, I woz having fun. Then she whistled so I ran back to her. She said ‘oh no Red look at you’. Daddy Hooman said in the car ‘the dog stinks. Mumsie has washed me but parently I still stink

The supposedly stinking Red 😉
 
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